What your most recent bad mood reveals about your next career move in healthcare

If you’re extremely skilled at what you do in healthcare, yet increasingly suspicious that something about your work just isn’t right for you anymore, that can feel low-key distressing.

Especially when you can't figure out WHY it doesn't feel right—or what the hell you're supposed to do about it.

So I have a bite-sized lesson to help you start getting clear on that before you spend more time, money, or energy trying to fix it with career solutions you can't take back.

Quitting your job. Burning bridges. Buying the expensive course. Blowing up your business model. Quitting clinical work and going non-clinical. Late night research on things you can do with your healthcare degree that aren't patient care.

You’re a problem solver. I love this about you.

Maybe you’ve been spending a lot of time hemming and hawing about why your work doesn’t feel like it used to.

You sign up for a course looking for inspiration.

You join mentoring masterminds hoping someone can guide you toward better clinical reasoning or treatment techniques.

You work on yourself—your mindset, your nervous system regulation, your sleep, your stress.

You set boundaries. Focus on work-life balance.

But nothing seems to scratch the itch.

Because you still WANT to show up for patient care. You feel good once you’re IN the session with them.

And yet, you can’t shake the growing dread in the pit of your stomach before work - maybe in the car before a day full of patients - that something about your work just isn’t sitting right anymore.

It just feels...heavier than it used to.

So you keep trying to answer the really big questions:

Do I still want to do this?

Do I need to cut back?

Do I need another certification?

Should I leave patient care?

Should I burn it all down and start a flower shop?

All valid questions. But maybe a little too big.

And I think you might be blowing right past some of the smallest moments in your day that are already pointing you toward what you actually want.

And those things may not be answers to these big questions, but in fact answers to smaller questions that are clues toward the bigger questions.

And in order to figure out what those smaller questions are, I want to invite you to start taking stock of every little thing in your day that makes you grumpy.

Or perhaps you can start by examining the last time you were in a bad mood or had a bad attitute.

Maybe it went something like this -

• The patient who late-cancels and leaves you feeling a little more resentful than usual, especially at yourself because you waive the late cancel feel even though you promised yourself you wouldn't do that anymore.

• Running late from work to your kid’s soccer practice—again—and feeling frustrated with yourself when you see his very kind and patient coach kicking the ball with him after all the other kids have left.

• Sitting in traffic with your coffee in a tumbler grumbling, These f*cking drivers. Nobody knows how to merge into traffic! while flipping through podcasts—no, Spotify—no, an audiobook—until you finally land on screaming 90s girl-band music and take your annoyance out on your imaginary steering-wheel microphone.

On a related note, if you're like most of my clients who are women clinicians over 35, you might have noticed an unexpected and uninvited general uptick in rage, anger, irritation, annoyance, and intolerance for bullshit as you move out of the pregnancy/postpartum years and toward perimenopause and menopause.

(Or if you're child-free like me...just as you generally move from your 30's to 40's to 50's)

As a quick science note - Estrogen plays a huge role here. As it starts fluctuating and eventually declining, that “just be nice and patient” filter you seemingly had in your 20s may start feeling a hell of a lot less reliable.

And while that can be incredibly disorienting—especially if you, like me, were raised to believe that anger “isn’t becoming of a lady,” or you were taught somewhere along the way to “just let it go”—

I don't necessarily want you to immediately regulate, release, reframe, or breathe your way out of it.

I want you to get curious about what your anger is protecting.

Because anger is desire’s most loyal defender.

And you, sitting here wondering what the hell you want for the next decade or two of your career, happen to have a desire problem.

Which means - there is also an anger problem.

But not the "you need to calm down" or "you need anger management" kind of anger problem.

I'm talking about "you probably blow past those little moments of anger and don't even notice they're there to help you" kind of problem.

Let me illustrate this with a story.

Earlier this week when I arrived at the pool for my swim—which I was actually super pumped to do for once—it thundered and the pool closed LITERALLY the minute I stepped out of the car.

Thunder and lightning clapped just over the trees.

I was high-key SALTY. You gotta be f*cking kidding me.

Mind you, this was a Sunday, and I’d spent the entire weekend hemming and hawing about whether I even wanted to swim.

I'd finally worked up the nerve and motivation to go.

I even checked the weather to ensure this didn’t happen.

It did anyway.

I grumbled as I threw my swim bag back in the trunk and drove through the now-unexpected downpour to the grocery store.

UGH. But whatever. I’ll pivot. At least I got an extra hour in my day.

I’d planned to get groceries on the way home from the pool anyway, so my timeline just moved up an hour.

I rescheduled my swim for the next day and ended up doing a really great strength-training workout with the dog alongside me.

Not all was lost.

And the next day, I showed up for my rescheduleds wim to bluebird skies and had one of the best swims I’d had in a long time.

Everything worked out, right?!?

Now, this is the part where I could turn this story into a lesson on rolling with the punches.

Or on being present.

Or on getting too attached to your plans.

Or on surrendering to the will of the Universe.

These aren't bad lessons.

But also...they're kind of obvious tropes, no? They'd go great on a Hallmark card or a meme, I think.

Because today's little bite-sized lesson isn't Hallmark-able, I don't think. (Unless you can find me a Hallmark card that says "Hold on! Pay attention to when you're grumpy!")

On the drive home from that amazing swim, I rewound the emotional tape in my head back to the part where I was salty the day before.

Because that saltiness confirmed something that “hemming and hawing Julie” actually hadn't been clear about several days before:

I really, really wanted to swim.

And there was a reason.

I’m a former college swimmer whose career was cut abruptly short by shoulder surgery and a rehab plan that went sideways.

I'll give you ONE guess what motivated me to become a sports PT...

Since then, I’ve had an on-again/off-again relationship with swimming for 22 years.

Every time I have a good swim, it’s one more step toward reclaiming something near and dear to my heart.

It’s not just about swimming.

It’s about how I feel when I do it:

At home in the water, and at home in my body.

But deeper than that even, I feel like ME: Peaceful. Joyful. A little gritty and competitive. Deeply connected when all the noise is drowned out.

Very enneagram 3-wing-2-with-an-equally-strong-4-wing of me

It feels like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

And when I say on-again/off-again relationship, I don’t just mean there have been years when I swam often and years when I didn't touch a pool.

Sometimes, the longstanding grief around losing my sport, the fear I developed around getting reinjured, and all the work I’ve done to heal my relationship with my body and my sport make it really hard to work up the motivation to swim when life is just feeling...lifey.

So on a day when I was actually motivated, trusting my body, and jazzed about being there—and then the weather ruined it?

It made sense that I was angry. Anger was protecting something I deeply desired.

And notice how I shifted from the word "salty" to "angry."

Because all the words we use -- salty, grumpy, irritated, annoyed, frustrated ... these are all parts of the anger family.

And even though it might feel like I'm being pedantic, sometimes it's easier to just call a spade a spade.

My anger wasn't proof I should throw in the literal swim towel and say:

“FINE! Maybe I'm not supposed to do this!”

I mean, that's one way to listen to anger.

But in this case, I know myself well enough at this point to know that my anger was confirming:

This really means something to me.

I really want to do this.

It’s okay that I’m mad.

It sucks that I can’t do it right now.

But I’m not letting go of this desire.

I’ll get up and try again tomorrow.

Because anger is desire’s most loyal defender.

Desire is what you want. Where you want to go. How you want to feel.

Anger is the soldier that shows up when something gets in the way of that.

And importantly: your anger doesn't automatically mean you should DO the opposite of whatever made you angry.

• Being irritated about a late cancel doesn't automatically mean you should fire the patient or strong arm yourself into never again waiving the late fee.

• Being frustrated about work that makes you run late to your kid's soccer practice doesn't automatically mean you should quit your work or burn down your business.

• Being annoyed at other drivers in rush hour traffic on the interstate doesn't mean you should call your state representative and argue for better driver training laws or buy a house closer to your work.

  
  

We're gathering information here. Not issuing instructions. Slow down, speed racer.

But here's what I find among my clients—and in myself, as a recovering member of the “I just don’t get angry” club—

We've been SO trained to focus on the anger being a PROBLEM (which is valid, especially when it swallows us whole or affects our relationships), that we often miss the DESIRE that's hiding behind it.

And to be clear, I'm not saying that you shouldn't seek support or find ways to learn to turn down the volume of anger, especially if it's significantly impeding your day, your relationships, or your ability to feel safe in your own skin.

(I highly recommend seeking support from a helping professional or very skilled coach if this feels like a lot to swallow on your own)

But I am offering a bite sized lesson if you do feel you can approach anger in a safe way.

So let’s go back to those scenarios as an example

(1) When you’re mad about the late cancel AND mad at yourself for not charging the fee:

Pause here. What is it you actually wanted?

• Maybe you really want clients who respect your time and income and reciprocate the deep care and compassion you offer them by respecting yours.

• And/or maybe you want to honor the self-respect you KNOW lives inside you—and have the courage to finally use your voice and keep the promise you made to yourself by asking the client to pay the fee.

(2) When you’re mad at yourself (or whatever happened at work that made you late) and feeling guilty about running late to soccer:

Pause here. What is it you actually wanted?

• Maybe you want to be the kind of mom who is present not just for the big moments, but for random Tuesdays at 6 PM after soccer practice—because you know those moments are fleeting and before you know it, that kid is going to be driving himself.

• Maybe you want enough margin in your schedule to close your laptop, turn off the clinic lights, drive the speed limit to practice, and be sitting on those bleachers BEFORE practice ends—without feeling chaotic, rushed, and stretched thin.

(3) When you’re grumbling in rush-hour traffic:

These fucking drivers. Nobody knows how to merge into traffic!

Pause here. You may as well. You’re literally not moving. 😉

What is it you actually wanted?

• Maybe it really is that simple and literal -- you long for a long, slow morning with coffee, where you literally pour into yourself before pouring into anyone else.

• Maybe you once loved being an early riser who worked out, helped patients, and felt wildly productive before 10 AM. But that has changed. There may be grief there. And maybe what you really want is to feel at peace with the version of yourself you’re becoming.

And let me repeat the most important part:

Don't rush to turn the information you gain about desire into an immediate solution.

“I wanted more time with my kid” doesn't immediately mean: QUIT PATIENT CARE!

• Maybe you need a 30-minute buffer.

• Maybe you need fewer patients on Tuesdays.

• Maybe it means something bigger.

• Maybe you don't know yet.

For now, just let yourself want what you want.

Because you’re looking for patterns—not one perfect answer.

Start collecting and taking note of these little moments you might otherwise blow right pass, or try to regulate, calm, or quiet down so much so that you miss the important message they're here to bring you.

What pissed me off?

What got interrupted, taken away, or made harder?

What did I wish had happened instead?

What does that tell me about something I might want more of?

And wait! There's one more place I see women blow right past these clues, especially if you're a "glass half full" kinda gal.

When everything works out anyway.

Kind of like it did for me the 2nd day I showed up at the pool.

In my little clinical scenarios, that could look something like:

• The patient insists on paying the late-cancel fee and you didn’t even have to ask.

• Your kid says, “I LOVED having extra private time with my coach!” and was actually glad you ran late.

• Your first two patients cancel after a frustrating sit in traffic and suddenly you’re alone in the clinic with enough time to enjoy a second cup of coffee and just...be.

Yay!

It all worked out, right?

Yes.

But also—pause and rewind back to that moment of anger.

Before you try to edit your own emotional tape as it replays in your head:

“See?! It all worked out. I shouldn't have been so annoyed.”

Go back to that moment and ask:

What did I want that this moment got in the way of? What was my anger defending or protecting?

Do you see why blowing past the anger—even when everything works out—or looking on the bright side and telling yourself, “See? You shouldn’t have been angry!” might actually get in your way?

My clients are motivated, successful, mostly glass-half-full women.

They’re often the very first people to edit out or “correct” themselves for feeling irritated or angry about something that ended up working out.

And I can’t tell you how many times a client has told me one of these stories and said:

“But it all worked out! The Universe totally had my back!”

And we laugh and smile at how, yes, it really did.

And then I say:

PAUSE. Can we revisit that moment when you were angry? What was it pointing you to that you wanted?

Because these women are often sitting in coaching sessions with me trying to sort through a version of their work, career, or professional identity they’re outgrowing—while also trying to pinpoint exactly what steps to take next.

And they have no shortage of one trillion ideas.

• Shift into nonclinical work!

• Get a coaching certification!

• Write and sell a course!

• Cut back hours!

• Run workshops!

• Make an app!

These aren’t bad things to do.

But they can become Band-Aids, distractions, and huge wastes of time, money, and energy when you still haven't identified what you actually WANT.

And often, you don’t realize you’re blowing right past the micro-moments in your day where your intuition is pointing directly at what you actually want.

Those moments rarely arrive when you sit down peacefully with your journal and the answer magically downloads out of thin air.

Sometimes, they’re surrounded by irritation.

Annoyance.

Resentment.

Rage.

Irritation.

Saltiness.

Or any of the other vocabulary words you might use to describe anger.

And that, my friends, is where we start.

So if you’re extremely skilled at what you do, yet questioning where you’re headed next with your work, I invite you to start noticing the feelings that live in the anger family.

You can start practicing with moments that have absolutely nothing to do with your career.

The person who cuts you off in traffic?

👉Maybe your anger is defending your values around safety, human life, kindness, and patience.

Your husband asking what’s for dinner when you simply Cannot. Come. Up. With. One. More. Meal. Plan?

👉Maybe you want to feel seen and appreciated. Maybe you want someone else to take the reins without needing you to ask. Maybe you deeply value collaboration and teamwork.

These are all completely valid and fair wants. And it is completely valid and fair that you might feel some version of anger in those situations.

And then start taking inventory of the moments when anger shows up around your work.

One moment probably won't tell you whether to leave healthcare and open a flower shop or stick it out and add 2 team members to your business.

But if you're noticing 20 recurrent moments pointing toward the same desire?

I’d pay attention to that as very useful data.

The more you strengthen your ability to be with all the versions and forms of anger without immediately explaining them away—or turning them into instructions for what you need to DO—the more accustomed your system becomes to hearing what those emotions might be trying to tell you.

Because before you decide whether you need to leave healthcare, cut back your hours, get another certification, move to Italy, tweak your hormone replacement dose, or just take a fucking nap...

It might be worth noticing the tiny moments when your desire and next direction has already been trying to get your attention.

Sometimes, anger is simply the one loud enough to make you listen.

Would love to hear your take on this! What is it that has irritated you lately? Reach out and let me know how putting this little lesson into practice goes for you!